Late Night
by Batgirl
Summary: Bruce Wayne and Tim Drake walk into a convenient store at about 1am in the morning and makes some INTERESTING friends while WATCHING themselves on TV!


Title: Late Night

Title: Late Night

Author: Batgirl

Rating: MA—mostly for language

Summary:Bruce Wayne and Tim Drake walk into a convenient store at about 1am in the morning and makes some INTERESTING friends while WATCHING themselves on TV!

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Batman. They belong to DC Comics as well as all other related characters. Late Night With Conan O' Brien belongs to NBC studios and I DO not OWN the man!! I'm ONLY going to borrow him!

Note: This IS set in the animated universe. I'm SORRY if anyone gets offended to this. If you HAVE a problem with LATE Night talk shows then the ONLY advise I can give you is: Don't READ this! =o)Read on! If you dare! Humor!

**

[Pan slowly down to give the full view of Wayne Manor. Strange noises that are dwelling within seem to come alive. Position camera to a walk in setting maneuvering into the study and through the clock down and down into the cave. Show two figures getting out of the batmobile. Freeze frame]

Robin: ***rips off eye mask* **Whoa—did you SEE the way those guys TOOK off?

Batman: ***looks over to him*** THAT'S what REAL fear looked like. Remember that look.

Tim: But— ***sighs* **Hmmm. ***looks at watch*** Maaan. We're in REALLY early tonight you KNOW what time it is?

Batman: ***shakes head*** If forgotten the time due to lack of sleep ***slips of cowl and sits down in front of the batcomputer***

** **

Tim:** *kicks off his boots* **Haha—REAL funny Bruce. 

Bruce: I'm SERIOUS. What time is it?

** **

Tim: Time to go to SLEEP. THAT'S what time it is.

Bruce: Why? The night's still young.

Tim: EASY for YOU to say. YOU don't have a term-paper due on the criminal justice system tomorrow.

Bruce: ***looks at him*** Have you even STARTED that yet?

Tim: ***rolls eyes*** What do YOU think Braniac?

Bruce: How LONG have you had to DO this paper??

Tim: ***whistles casually and walks over to the changing quarters*** OHHH… I say about a month—

Bruce: ***grumbles***

you KNOW you should be keeping up in your school work.

Tim: ***waves him off and kicks off his suit* **Yeah—RIGHT.. it BLOWS

Bruce: You WILL do that paper.

Tim: ***mocks him*** You WILL do your paper—

Bruce: ***hears him* **OH, just for that I'm NOT going to help you?

Tim: ***pulls shirt over his head and pokes his head out*** NOT gunna help me? You mean you were GUNNA?

Bruce: ***nods*** I WAS, until THAT little comment came out

Tim: NO! Yer gunna help?? I'll-- ***pulls on pants and comes hopping out*** Okay—I'm SORRY! I withdrawal that statement—have it… stricken from the records!

Bruce: ***smirks a little bit and stand after typing a few things into the computer*** WEEELLL… How LONG does it have to be?

Tim: ***frowns*** Nine pages written, at LEAST five typed.

Bruce: ***walks over and gets changed*** That's—a LOT

Tim: Don't YOU have work tomorrow?

Bruce: Yeah. I DO, but I don't have to be in until 10am.

Tim: LUCKY!!

Bruce: ***takes off his shirt and pulls on a clean one*** Well if I'm going to pull another all nighter I THINK it would be wise if we stocked up on liquids to KEEP us awake

Tim: ***turns his nose up*** WHAT are you suggesting? We go to the NEAREST open STARBUCKS?

Bruce: ***pulls on a pair of pants and walks back out*** Well.. NOT exactly. I was thinking.. more along the lines of a Seven 11.

Tim: ***surprised and kinda follows him*** You mean.. you've BEEN to a Seven 11?!!!??

Bruce: ***nods*** Of COURSE. You think I'm a RICH-Airhead-DITZ don't you?

Tim: Well the THOUGHT could ONLY cross my mind—

Bruce: ***grumbles*** ZIP the lip will ya?

Tim: Ha!! A "ditz" NO one EVER uses THAT word anymore! Well EXCEPT for the Valley Girls

Bruce: ***looks at him quizzically*** VALLEY GIRLS??

Tim: ***nods*** YEAH—these GIRLS who say "like" and "Ummmm" all the time!! They're USUALLY blonde. LIKE—those women who HANG on your arm at those fancy parties.

Bruce: ***starts heading out to the garage making sure he has his keys* **OOH… Airhead's—***chuckles*** So what word DO you kids use nowadays?

Tim:***thinks* **Mmm..i dunno!! WHATever comes to mind

Bruce: Gets into the car and starts the engine* But… I thought you said you—***groans***NEVER mind--***pulls out***

Tim:***straps on his belt***o… I CAN get a slushie can't I??

[Follow the black car through the streets of Gotham. A quick frame shot of each of the passengers as they enter the parking lot to the Seven 11, show two walking into the convenient store.]

Tim: ***runs up and opens the door* **SLUSHIE! SLUSHIE!!!

Bruce: ***walks in*** YES Tim.. you CAN get your slushie ***nods to the cashier who's watching TV***

Cashier: ***to Bruce*** How ya doin'?

Bruce: ***smiles slightly*** Just fine thanks ***walks over to the potato chip isle looking around***

Tim: ***pretty much runs over to the slushie machine and fixes his cup*** YEEES!! Surge slushie-- ***pours the icy beverage into the cup and sticks a straw in it and takes a sip and goes to find Bruce*** Mmmmm, want some?

Bruce: ***shakes head*** NO.. I'm fine ***points*** ARE these the ones Alfred usually picks up?

Tim: ***picks up the bag of chips*** Yup!! Sunchips! These things are SO BOMB!

Bruce: ***ooks at him*** Bomb??

Tim: They're Tight!

Bruce: But that bag is puffed out with air

Tim: ***groans*** They're phat!!

Bruce: ***looks at him with a raised eyebrow and walks over to get himself a cup of steaming hot coffee*** "Phat?" ***sighs*** KIDS today and they're slang

Cashier: ***laughs*** HAHA!! Monica Lewinski-- ***continues to watch his TV***

Tim: ***hears him and walks over*** HEY!! The Tonight Show with Jay Leno!! He's COOL

Cashier: ***surprised*** YOU watch Jay?? ***Chuckles*** Aren't you a little YOUNG?

Tim: Nope!

Cashier: Uhhh huh.

Tim: BRUCE lets me watch it ***gestures to the tall guy over at the coffee machine***

Cashier: Is THAT so?

Bruce: Actually ON occasions, only if we're…. Up late. I'll let him watch the Late Night Show… SOMEtimes

Cashier:" ***thinks for a minute*** You mean the Late Night with Conan O' Brien?

Bruce: ***nods and starts to walk over to the counter*** Yes, THAT'S the one. I was kind of upset when his sidekick…Andy Richter left the show

Customer: ***hears their conversation and jumps in*** OH yeah.. SAME here. They were QUITE a team. LOVED that Year 2000 sketch they did

Tim: OH yeah!! "IN THE YEEEAR TWWWO-THOOUSAAAND!"

Customer2: "Donkeys will declare NOT to be called Jackasses. Unless they wear stone washed jeans."

Cashier: ***chuckles*** You're a fan too?

Customer2: ***nods*** WATCH it EVER night.

Cashier: They're supposed to have a REAL good show on tonight.

Tim: Oh yeah?

Customer: Some rich dude—FORGOT his name is supposed to be on

Tim: You FORGOT his name?

Customer: Yeah.. he DOES live in this area

Bruce: ***is staying quiet listening in on the conversation***

Tim: ***thinks*** Hmmm.. who ELSE is supposed to be on?

Customer2: I think George Clooney and…..

Cashier: Charlie Sheen! That guy's BEST there is—

Customer2: Well… Clooney's pretty good too

Tim: NO musical guest this time?

Cashier: ***shakes head*** Nope... NOT today…

Tim: ***points*** Hey—it's comin' on!! ***to Bruce*** CAN we stay and watch?

Bruce: ***blinks*** Uhh.. I don't see why not—that is IF the cashier doesn't mind

Cashier: ***waves him off*** Aww. For ALL I'm concerned you ALL can stay. Don't bother me! The more the merrier!

[Pan Camera on the group standing in the convenient store then turn to the television, affix camera to rolling credits on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.]

Joel the Announcer: From NBC studios in NEW YORK, it's LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O' Brien!!!

[Conan O' Brien theme song blares]

Joel the Announcer: Tonight's guests George Clooney. Charlie Sheen. Bruce Wayne!

[More music plays, focus camera on Tim]

Tim: Bruce??

Bruce: ***stays quiet and drinks his coffee* **Could be ANY Bruce Wayne.

Cashier: ***looks at the TV then to Bruce*** YOU?? You're BRUCE Wayne!??

Customer: ***looks at Bruce and then to the TV*** There IS a striking resemblance!

[Camera focuses back onto the television]

Joel the Announcer: WITH THE MAX WEINBERG 7!! AND here HE is—COOOONAN O' BRIIIEEEN!!

Conan: ***drops back onto the stage and does his little jump-thingy as Max continues playing and motions so the camera can get a look at the band before returning back to him* **Thank you!! Thanks everybody!

Audience: ***is cheering and applauding wildly!***

** **

Conan:** *runs hand through hair dramatically* **OH, I KNOW—the CROWD LOVES me!

Audience: YEOW!!

Conan:***chuckles meekly*** OH—ONE pity hollar?? That's IT!? ***brings hands together*** Well…isn't THIS a surprise?? I come out and there's a BIG audience??? Heh.

Audience: ***hollers some more!***

Conan: Oh YEAH—I KNOW. ***Groans*** Well we have a GREAT show for ya tonight. REAL good show. These are our THURSDAY shows.. "Must see" night after all—They're the GOOD ones.

Audience: ***laughs a little* **YEAHHHH!!! WOOOHOOO!!!!

Conan: ***claps along*** Yeah—ha!! Yeah.. Tuesdays OW—Wednesdays and Thursdays-- WATCH it! Nono.. excellent, excellent show tonight! MUCH to discuss in the news, YESTERDAY China once again demanded an apology from the United States over the spy plane incident. They WANT an apology ***pauses*** Yeah, and in response President Bush said, "Sorry but the word apology, like MOST words are not in my vocabulary…."

Audience: ***laughs out!*** HAHAHA!!

Conan: Yeah.. That's RIGHT. True story!! ***turns head*** "Huh?" Ya see I'm working on my Bush impression ***turns head*** "Wha?" Yeah—getting MUCH better. EVERY time I do that.***Call*** Mr. President?! ***turns head*** "huh?!"

Audience: ***is LAUGHING!!***

Conan:Yeah, but you know what? LOVED Clinton-***tries to do an impression* **"I want the boobie"

** **

Audience:***laughs***

Conan: What?? He SAYS that—Well THIS is interesting. For all of you Dallas Maverick fans, they just made basketball history

Audience: ***laughs and cheers*** YEEEAH!!

Conan: ***monotone*** Oh COME on!! That's just SAD

Audience: ***applauds!***

Conan: ***mocks them and applauds with them*** We're from DALAS—YEH!! Heh.. No—actually the Dallas Mavericks made history by signing the first player born in China. And apparently the guy is seven foot one. Yeah—unfortunately he was kicked out of the league because there was ONE Chinese guy standing on another Chinese guy—so….

Audience: ***laughs***

[Pans camera back to Tim]

Tim: ***laughs hysterically nearly spitting out his slushie*** AWWW MAN!! That's SO sad!

Cashier: ***laughs*** THAT was good ***applauds him from that one!***

** **

[Quickly pan back to the television]

Conan: ***laughs a little*** Yeah, when a seven foot tall man comes in wearing a tretch coat—NO need to get suspicious….

Audience: ***is still applauding!***

** **

Conan: Oh! Yeah—THIS is interesting: Yeah they're coming out with a new Planet of the Apes Movie.

Audience: ***one person applauds***

** **

Conan: OH yeah! Some people'll clap for just about ANYTHING, won't they?

Audience: ***laughs***

** **

Conan:But this is TRUE. What was reported was that they had to CUT a sex scene between a MAN and a chimp. Yeah—BUT, the scene WILL appear in an upcoming movie called "The Michael Jackson Story."

[Pan Camera back to the convenient store]

Bruce: ***chuckles***That's SO wrong—ALWAYS picking on that man—

Tim: ***bursts out laughing*** You DO mean WO-man, don't ya!?

Cashier: HAHA!! Heh, got a FUTURE Conan O' Brien, huh?

Tim: ME???

Cashier: YEAH you! What's yer name, Son?

Tim: ***smirks*** Timothy Drake!

Cashier: ***nods*** I'll BE sure to remember that!

[Pan back to the television]

Conan:***claps hands together***But anyway—we've got a WONDERFUL show for you this evning. Got.. a VERY famous man on tonight. he's well known for his role of Dr. Doug Ross on the HIT drama ER. George Clooney!

Audience: ***goes wild!***

Conan: That's RIGHT! ***mumbles* **They're REALLY cheerin' for me!

Max: I BEG to differ—

Conan: ***goes monotone*** OH really now?? Heh ***back to the camera* **And another FAMOUS man, Gotham City's WELL known CEO, philanthropist, BRUCE WAYNE is here!!

Audience: ***whistles and hoots!!***

Conan: And FINALLY… From the hit show Spin City—Charlie Sheen is here and—we WILL be havin a NICE little chat ***evil grin***

Audience: OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Conan: *frowns* Oh COME now!! It's going to go over REAL nice.. just wait and see.. ***smirks and points to Max Weinburg* **And PLEASE give it up for MAX WEINBURG and the Max Weinburg Seven!** *exits and walks to his desk as Max plays***

** **

Max and the Band: ***starts playin' "Jennie with the Light Brown Hair"***

[pan main camera back to Bruce who is sipping on his coffee. The television keeps playing and goes through the first skit 

Customer1: That's YOU ain't it?? YOU'RE Bruce Wayne?

Bruce: Could be ANYone…

Tim: ***waves him off*** Oh COME on WAYNE!! How come you never TOLD me about any of this??

Bruce: Didn't think it was important

Tim: This IS!! ***points at the TV*** THIS kinda thing you NEED to tell me about! You could let ME go to the studio WITH you

Bruce: ***sips some more of his coffee, plainly*** They don't let KIDS your age into the studio..

Tim: ***frowns* **Bet they DOOOO!!!

Bruce: ***shakes head*** You have to be sixteen or older to get in. I WOULD have taken you, but I wouldn't have been ABLE to—

Tim: ***angered!* I** coulda SNUUCK in!

Bruce: Security's TIGHT

Tim: *I* Could have gotten through!

Bruce: ***completely calm*** Doubt it—

Tim: ***SO ready to show Bruce a piece of his mind***

** **

Cashier: *gives Tim a Slim Jim* Here Son.. calm yer butt down, all right? The man's right—There woulda been NO way a kid your age could get into the studio.

Tim: ***looks at the Slim Jim and takes a bite* **Thanks-- ***chews***YEAH?

Cashier: ***nods* **Yep—

Conan:** *voice in the background* **All right.. now my NEXT guest, as I've SAID before is the CEO of a MULTI-Billion dollar Industry-- *adjusts tie, to Max* Wonder if can LOAN me about a thousand—to pay off my GAMBLING debt

[Pan camera back to the television]

Max: ***chuckles*** You NEVER know Conan—

Clooney: MIGHT wanna ask him. ***laughs a bit*** I might be askin' him too!

Conan: ***looks at him*** Oh COME on! *I* NEED it more than you. You've got yer retirement fun you can dip into.

Audience: ***laughs!***

Conan: ***softly*** Well, it's TRUE.. ANYway—Would you PLEASE Welcome Mr. Bruce Wayne! *stands to greet him*

Audence: ***is REALLY going crazy as Max's Band plays music!***

Bruce: ***walks out, waves to the crowd, shakes Conan's hand smiling, shakes Clooney's hand and sits down***

Audience: ***is STILL appludin'!***

Bruce: ***smiles*** Thank you!

Conan: ***softly*** Boy they just LIKE you don't they!? Heh, can you TELL me yer secret???

Audience: ***whistles*** WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!

Bruce: ***chuckles*** Well *I* love you too!!

Audience: ***goes CRAZY over that!***

** **

Conan: ***laughs!*** VERY Self confident, hmm?

Bruce: ***shakes head*** Nah. Not really. 

Audience: YEOW!!!

Bruce: ***is amused*** Yeah—THANKS!! Like the suit?? ***kinda pulls up the collar and fixes it a bit***

Conan: ***smirks*** OH yeah—it's NICE ***shows him HIS coat*** THIS came from SEARS.. heh. Shows you how CHEAP this show is

Bruce: ***chuckles*** No.. It looks REALLY nice on you, really.

Conan: You think?

Bruce: ***nods*** OH yeah! ***turns to Clooney*** Oh I was supposed to give you a message from my.. girlfriend. She LOVED you in ER-- ***laughs slightly* **

** **

Clooney: ***smirks*** Girlfriend?

Bruce: ***nods slightly*** Yeah—she wants to know if you could SAY her name. 

Clooney: ***chuckles*** Sure—what IS her name?

Conan: ***looks at them*** TOTALLY ignore me!

Bruce: ***turns*** Heh, I'm NOT really ignoring ya.. not YET anyway

Audience: ***laughs!***

Bruce: ***to Clooney* **Oh! Her name's Barbara.. Barbara Gordon.

Clooney: ***turns to the screen***Hello Barbara! I'll be SURE to send you a little something when Brucie here returns home

Bruce: ***chuckles* **THANK you SO much! You have NO idea what she put me through—she made SURE I said it.** *shows him the slip of paper that served as a reminder note***

** **

Conan:** *takes the paper*** Lemme see that--** *reads it over* **OHMIGOD!! Your GIRLFRIEND wrote this!? ***shows the camera*** Man—you're LUCKY you even HAVE one—but this is—THIS is DEVOTION!!

Bruce: *nods* It IS….

Conan: *gives him the paper back* That's STRANGE.. I NEVER seen that happen before. So.. uh.. how long have you two been together?

Bruce: ***thinks* **Ummm a GOOD nine months?

Conan: ***nods*** Jeez, that LONG?? ***places a hand on his shoulder*** You POOR man. Heh heh, NAAAH, that's GOOD! Happy for ya!

Bruce: Thanks. ***makes himself comfortable***

Conan: ***taps his pen against the desk*** So.. how ya been?

Bruce: ***nods*** Been pretty good actually. How about you?

Conan: ***surprised*** Oh me? Heh heh. I'm FINE ***fake laugh*** No life—

Audience: ***feels pitty!*** AWWWWWWWW

Conan: Oh YEAH, THANKS for the supposrt!

Bruce: ***chuckles*** THAT bad then, huh?

Conan: ***points to the audience*** You can HEAR them! Of COURSE it's BAD!

Bruce: ***shakes head*** Don't worry.. ***places hands on knees*** Your time WILL come.

Conan: ***waves him off*** PSHHHH!! Right—whatever man!

[Period of silence]

Conan: ***notices the silence*** See THIS is nice—this is all WEIRD and cooky! ***to the camera*** You don't GET this on Late Night TV! They usually edit it out or SOMETHING—

Bruce: REALLY?

Conan: YEAH! Really! ***sarcastic laugh*** ha ha haaaaaaa

Bruce: ***thinks for a moment***Oh! I heard about your DOG. *kinda makes a BIG circle around his neck with his hands* Heard about the cone thing…

Conan: Oh YEAH…. My DOG *informs the audience* I TOOK my dog to this PARK and he WONDERED off. So I was like "Oh all right, Going to a tree gunna do his BUSINESS." So I LET him go off and he gets into this BUSH with the pricks and stuff and WEDGES his HEAD in between two trees! So *shakes head* This dog is STUPID—this isn't the FIRST time he's had to wear it. So NOW when I take my dog for a walk in the city, you know—JUST for exercise, the OTHER dogs STARE at him and my POOR dog just backs away. I KEEP wanting to KICK his little behind and make him FACE off to them. SO THEN.. I kinda PUSH him to DO so and gets in front of this ONE stray dog and goes ballistic. Of COURSE *looks over shoulder* I'm LOOKING over my shoulder wondering if anyone is WATCHING this and then my POOR disabled DOG—tries to BITE this other dog, but finds out he CAN'T cuz of the cone!

Bruce: Feel SOORY for the thing-- ***laughs!!*** Can't IMAGINE what it must be like for him to eat *kinda imitates a dog trying to get it's food with the CONE on* Food must be SCATTERED across the place!

Conan: ***looks at him* **And HERE I thought you were a SERIOUS man—

Bruce: ***shrugs*** Can't be serious ALL the time.. ***waves hands to the camera* **Yo! I'm on Late Night TV!!

Conan: ***adds to that*** .. AND on a show that NO one watches!!

Bruce: ***chuckles***Oh I dunno about that.. A friend of mine, goes my the name of Timothy Drake.. my…WARD.. LOVES this show.

Conan: ***smirks*** Oh GOODIE! ONE fan! Ha! No.. REALLY??

Bruce: Yeah! He's thirteen ***waves to the camera*** Hello Tim!

Conan: That's pretty nice! ***waves at the camera too*** HI Tim!!

Bruce: ***goes back to Conan*** There.. maybe NOW he won't get as mad—I KNOW he'll be upset seeing I wouldn't have been able to take him

Audience member: ***Screams out whistling*** WAHOO!! YO Brucie!!??

Conan: ***confused*** Did we WRITE this into the script?

Audience Member: WHAT ABOUT ME!!??

[Camera ZOMS in on the audience member]

Dick: ***frowns* **I'm SOOOO hurt!

Bruce: ***squints* **Dick?

Conan: What!?

Dick: Don't even say hi to ME???

Bruce: ***looks at him wondering what he's doing there*** WHAT are YOU doing-- *sighs and decides to give him what he wants* And I'd ALSO like to say HI to a VERY good friend of mine—DICK GRAYSON!

Dick: ***nods*** That's RIGHT!! HELLO AMERICA!

Conan: ***nods to the camera curator*** ALL right-- ***turns to the camera* **And WE'LL be

right back! 

[Fade out to the convenient store, show Tim at his knees laughing]

Tim: ***is laughing HARD!* **HAHA! DICK showed up!!?? Heh--- ***regains himself and takes a sip of his slushie***

Cashier: ***chuckles*** REAL funny STUFF Wayne…GOOD performance! ***applauds him* **

Bruce: ONLY a part of the job! ***starts for the door, to the Cashier***And THANKS again for letting us stay—COME on Tim..

Tim: ***frowns and follows after him*** OOOHKAY. *waves to the guy* MAYBE if we HURRY home we can catch the MUSICAL guest??

Bruce: MAAAYBE—

Tim: ***looks at him*** was there EVEN one that night??—** *turns* **WHAT about Charlie SHEEN!!?? I wanna SEE HIM!! He kicks ASS!

Bruce: You will IF we hurry. ***looks at him and takes the slushie***

Tim: ***grumbles* **HEY!! Give that BACK!

Bruce: ***drinks it*** NO.

Tim: WHY??

Bruce: You said a Fu*cking swear word, that's why!

Tim: ***STARES***

** **

[Fade Out]


End file.
